Last year was one of my biggest downfalls in my own confidence, creative process, and socializing. I lost my friends over personal arguments for around 8 months. Growing up I always threw people away like leftovers from a fast food restaurant because I believed that no matter the circumstances people come and go, so I never knew the real value of friendships. Within these months, depression grew on me like a tumor. With depression growing, my hatred for everybody around me also grew. Its weird right? Why would I just hate everybody just because of something personal happened, Well I realize that our “I-hate-everybody-so-fuck-off” mood is presented when we use anger to compensate for our sadness. This mood I had was consistently happening and everyday became the same day full of undesired feelings and hatred. My photography became a product of depression and I couldn’t make genuine art due to my “I need to prove everybody I’m better off alone” mentality. I didn’t socialize correctly because the “phase” from my last blog post happened during this point.
The 8 months of total depression and loneliness gave a significant impact on me because I literally wanted to break down and vent out. But I couldn’t, I could not release the stress because one toxic dogma we seam to carry in this generation is that “ignorance is bliss” or not caring will probably take you to the road of a stress free life. I just want to say this right now and I hope everybody takes my words in a personal meaning, but the practice of not caring because it leads to a better life is usually a lie and I’ll explain it soon.
After awhile of being in a dark void, I realize that I miss my friends because they bring life to me. I let go of my ego and pride to talk to them and actually explain things and at the end we all forgave each other while throwing away the past. Even if this may sound clichèd it felt like a new beginning because my depression and loneliness started to fade due to my friends being there for me. We all started supporting each other like we used to and we all had our laughs and moments.
I was reading one of this blog post last weak when I came across a phrase he quoted
“…I learned that the thing that will get you the furthest in any area of your life is to care.” -David Talley
I found this be true because I realize that without my friends I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now. The more you show love to anybody by giving them a compliment or helping them in any situation just spreads the love and it continues there as a domino effect.
If you are a friend to me right now or a person who has been supporting me, I just wanted to say thank you so much because without you guys I wouldn’t be happy. I wish I can put my feelings into words but I believe it wouldn’t be enough. I’m seriously blessed to have amazing people around me who inspire, support, and just spread love to everybody.